My Mother Taught Me . . .

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE – “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”

TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

CONTORTIONISM – “Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

HYPOCRISY – “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t exaggerate!!!”

ENVY – “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

IRONY – “Keep laughing and I’ll *give* you something to cry about.”

RELIGION – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

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Just When You Thought You Knew Everything

– Mosquito repellents don’t repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito’s sensors so they don’t know you’re there. – Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. – The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma. – No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. – Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. …more… Continue reading

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Oh, You Thought You Were Tough Enough To Try To Learn English?

This little ditty on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

  • The bandage was wound around the wound
  • The farm was used to produce produce.
  • The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • We must polish the Polish furniture.
  • He could lead if he would get the lead out.

…more… Continue reading

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